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Joke of the Day

"Turtle 911: Whats ur emergency? Turtle: MY GIRLFRIEND JUST DISAPPEARED! 911: Have u tried looking in her house? Turtle: oops never mind."

"Women don't say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... ""Whatever!"""

"What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog."

"After watching today's Apple event, I can confirm the new iPhone will not be a failure. In fact, it'll be a huge 6S."

"[bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that's a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it's cream cheese"

"Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, ""Now thats-a spicy meatball!"" people will learn not to ask you things."

"If your ad has one black person, one white person, one brown person & one Asian person in it, I will not buy your product."

"Is it true that in prison sometimes a man will try to kiss another gentleman even if he doesn't want to kiss him back?"

"What's the best thing about having sex with Twenty Five year olds? There's 20 of them."

"Did you hear about the two antennae who got married? The wedding was okay, but the reception was GREAT"