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Joke of the Day

"What do you tell a gardener with a psych major? I fucking hate my mom."

"Today I found out how electricity was measured... I was like watt???"

"Why do lesbians always win against journalists? Scissors beats paper."

"What do we want? Race-car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"Why did they put Harriet Tubman on the twenty dollar bill and not Barack Obama? Because if that were the case, you'd never get change."

"Why are mountains so funny? Because they are hill-areas"

"I'm glad my son will learn about sex from the internet. Remember how awkward it was when your dad showed you how to two-girls-one-cup?"

"Why are they called jokes? Because calling them republican presidential candidates would make me cry."

"If your house it hit by a dolphin, DO NOT GO OUT AND SEE IF THE DOLPHIN IS OKAY. That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside."

"Does the Five Second Rule apply to gravy?"