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Joke of the Day

"(Best New Pick Up Line) How much does a polar bear weigh? Like a thousand pounds. Read a fuckin' book."

"Where's the best place to do a mannequin challenge? In a morgue."

"Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked."

"Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken."

"To where going Batman running fast? To the Bathroom"

"""I'm sorry"" & ""I apologize"" mean the same thing unless... you're at a funeral."

"That awkward moment when you're supposed to be cleaning your room and you put on music and it turns into a dance party for one."

"How do you catch a bear? First, dig a large bear-sized hole. Then, burn up some paper and fill the hole with ash. Lastly, kick the bear in the ash-hole."

"30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown."

"A girl's tinder bio said ""I would die without food"" uh okay me too"