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Joke of the Day

"Where do cousins come from? Ant holes"

"[helping son prepare for first date] ""what if she doesn't like it"" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son"

"-I love you! -Me too! -You too what? -What you said -What did I say? -That -Say it -What? -I want u to say it -Well -and? -what? -Say it -it"

"What animal has 5 legs? A pit bull coming back from the playground."

"Either way, I don't think we should let Shrodinger near any more cats."

"No Grandma, ""sausage fest"" is not a new special breakfast at IHOP"

"Why did the hillbilly cross the road? Because he couldn't get his dick out the chicken"

"I've given up masturbation for a week I'm just not feeling myself anymore."

"A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon."

"I've been doing a lot of work around my yard, I hope my neighbours don't take a fence to it."