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Joke of the Day

"[helping son prepare for first date] ""what if she doesn't like it"" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son"

"I bet Edward Scissorhands is very much afraid of Edward Rockhands."

"Gynaecologist aka female private investigator"

"Did you hear about the Emu that was so big it was kicked out of the flock? Yeah, I heard it was ostrich-sized. (Credit to my Veterinary Student girlfriend)"

"His many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? ............ Ten Tickles........"

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? To find a tight seal"

"I heard Reese's is doing a monkey shaped chocolate bar now.. It's called a Reese's Macaque."

"People keep telling me that they are annoyed by all my Linkin Park references... but in the end, it doesn't even matter..."

"Disney just announced plans for an animated adaptation of Dante's Inferno They're calling it, ""101 Damnations."""

"My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet."