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Joke of the Day

"I've been doing a lot of work around my yard, I hope my neighbours don't take a fence to it."

"""i'm really more of a dog person."" -- werewolf"

"robber 1: *puts ski mask on head* you grab the money while i kiss all the bankers robber 2: huh? robber 1: uh i meant kill *hides lipstick*"

"When I get depressed about an underperforming tweet, I think about starving kids in Africa & how lucky they are to never experience my pain."

"My girlfriend asked me if we could try fitness... I replied, ""fitness? How about we try fitness dick in your ass."""

"Roses are red, except for all of the other colors of roses that have been in existence for thousands of years. Those are different colors."

"Hi Reddit, I am on AA Flight 451. We're going down. AMA!"

"I recently bought some Koi from Malaysia... That's one flight that made it."

"I couldn't work at a Rainforest Cafe without yelling ""You know where you are? You're in the jungle baby! You're gonna die!"""

"Got a HJ (""handjob"") from a FRUIT! [NSFW if you can't have handjob jokes @ W] He gave apple and made me kumquats!"