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Joke of the Day

"It's international women's day. But apparently my local strip club didn't get the memo. Went there today and all the girls were from my country. No international women at all."

"What did the dolphin say to the frog? Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy."

"I want to be featured on the news and the caption below me to read *unintelligible screaming*."

"We were so poor Dad could only afford to drink 3-4 nights a week."

"Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache."

"Can't wait for Game 8 of the World Series, Indians vs the Dakota Access Pipeline"

"What breaks when u give it to a toddler? Her hips"

"Q: What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit? A: The defendant."

"Roses are red... Roses are red, here's something new, violets are violet, not fucking blue!!! (Found this in a youtube comment a while back ago. Unfourtunately I can't remember where.)"

"If Jesus played soccer, what position would he play? Not on the wing, he doesn't do well with crosses."