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Joke of the Day

"[at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello"

"After triplet sisters plummeted off a Hawaii cliff, one died and two survived. The other was charged with murder. But now she's all ... tied up in the other two's finances!"

"With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit."

"What would Hitler have said to the Jews if he were a Keynesian economist? ""In the short run, _you're_ all dead!"""

"the reason we're moving is because it's haunted. we probably wouldn't mind a normal ghost but this guy died while quoting Borat was popular"

"My daughter just finished watching Frozen so, counting today that's 12,521,865,635,869 times since Tuesday"

"[Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World] Ok, show me this so-called ""haunted mansion"""

"What do you call a cardboard belt? A waist of paper. -- ^(Credit: Shadow Warrior fortune cookie)"

"I went to a zoo... I went to a zoo over the weekend. There was only a dog there. It was a shitzu."

"There is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room."