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Joke of the Day

"With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit."

"*returns lost dog* Lady: That's not him. He was white Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward"

"""I'm terribly sorry but your husband overdosed on Flintstones vitamins"" ""oh my god...is he ok?"" ""I'm afraid not. he...yabba dabba died lmao"""

"My friends keep telling me I'm too indecisive And I'm not sure how I feel about it."

"If I found out I only had a week to live, and could go anywhere in the world, I think I'd go to the hospital because that sounds serious"

"Statistically speaking, every male has had a crush on a teacher... For me, it's my wife's yoga instructor."

"Don't lie, steal, or cheat... The government hates competition."

"Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals... ...because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in the United States."

"I had some good news today; a TV Station have commissioned my new show about what goes on inside a cockpit. We're filming the pilot next week."

"What do you call spaghetti disguised as linguine? Faux-teccine"