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Joke of the Day

"[Self-Checkout] ME: also I ate a donut in the store MACHINE: Place the item on the belt ME: I can't because I ate it MACHINE: Place the"

"I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can't even afford A washer or a dryer"

"Leaving a chunky sneeze on my shower wall to test my cleaning lady. I fear I am a terrible king."

"Best Deal Ever My wife said she'll divorce me if I get I phone 6S Rose gold. That's the deal.."

"911: 911. What's your emergency? Me: I'm bleeding profusely. 911: Sir, this line is reserved for joke formats. Me: ..."

"What do you call a Mexican in Canada? ACCOMPLISHED. They crossed two borders!"

"What happens to a person when they move out of Asia? They become dis-oriented!"

"For just 2 quarters a day, you can send 2 quarters a day to African children. African children love collecting quarters."

"Some people are like clouds... ... Once they fuck off its a nice day."

"T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys."