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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles last night My next shit could spell trouble"

"One I came up with today. Did you hear about the new cult that worships testicles? They are sacreligious."

"I respected people a lot more before Spotify told me what they were listening to."

"I hate it when crazy people say Poseidon told them they are the ninja turtles and I don't even remember I told them so."

"Why did the cardiologist bake a cake with partially hydrogenated oil? Because he took the hypocritic oath"

"Why don't suicide bombers bathe? Because they are preparing a stink bomb"

"I was looking for a subtle way to describe my penis... ...and then I went to /r/minimalism..."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, you'll be a mile away and he'll be barefoot."

"When your momma taught you to look both ways she didn't mean be two faced."

"Cotton Mouth I hate when i get cotton mouth, but that happens a lot when you eat a lot of pants."