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Joke of the Day

"When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone's numbers again, I text them: ""Guess who?"" for 2 weeks."

"How do mathematicians deal with constipation? They work it out with a pencil."

"Whats the funniest joke you know? You."

"My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis and asked what I was doing.. Apparently ""Heating your dinner"" was the wrong answer"

"I just sprayed hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray. Not dead... but pretty fly."

"I rate the pyramids 9/11 Because the jews did it."

"""Hey, I can see my house from here!"" - homeless people, almost all the time"

"Hey I got your text but then I died, I'll probably like resurrect when we accidentally run into each other though"

"What did the ZERO say to the EIGHT? 0 - Nice belt. 8 - thank you :)"

"How does NASA throw a holiday party? They planet."