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Joke of the Day

"What's black and sits at the top of a staircase? Stephen Hawking after a house fire."

"Where there's a will there's an ""OMG! What's it say!? What does it say?""."

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"". But John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"Why did the Soviets pull their missiles out? Because they feared a premature ejectulation"

"Love it how music can take you to another place . For example, One direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one."

"What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken? One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg."

"Why didn't the baby oyster share her little pearl? She was a little shellfish."

"did you hear about the freak birth at chernobil? a baby was born with more eyes than teeth"

"I'm good at 3 things: counting and ironic jokes and punchlines."

"What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage."