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Joke of the Day

"What's 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage."

"Why is Reggae so popular in Utah right now? Because it was popular in California 10 years ago."

"When in doubt, just do the opposite of whatever the girl with glitter on her face does."

"I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'"

"What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool ? She had mittens !"

"There are two kinds of people in the world Those that can extrapolate from missing information"

"Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say ""Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."""

"Why did Einstein cross the road? So the other side could get to him"

"I just came up with Trump's inauguration drink I call it, ""Make America Smashed Again"" It's a White Russian with pumpkin spice."

"Seals are just dog mermaids."