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Joke of the Day

"I've got to go pick up my dog... I've got to go pick up my dog. Why? His car in the shop? No he had his license revoked... What for? Unpaid barking tickets."

"It's a shame Jerry Hall never got it on with Vidal Sassoon Then she'd have completed rock, paper and scissors."

"take your time pedestrians we're not dreaming of mowing you down at all"

"On your resume under skills it says pickpocket? Is that right? (interviewer looks up) (he is wearing only underwear and I'm gone)"

"What was the favorite genre of music of the man that hung himself off of a windy bridge Swing"

"Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is."

"Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City"

"I'm going to get a dime-sized spider tattooed on my penis. It's the only way I can get women to shout ""Oh my God it's huge!"" when they see my dick."

"I've deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone... Now it's Hans free..."

"What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall? At the Schopenhauer."