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Joke of the Day

"take your time pedestrians we're not dreaming of mowing you down at all"

"Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor? Because he had no arms or legs. Why? Because he is a potato."

"My wife and I only smoke after sex; I've had the same pack since 2003. She's up to three packs a day. Rodney Dangerfield"

"Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say ""iron whilst damp."" I still have no idea when to iron that thing."

"What do you call a blunt spear? Piontless!"

"What did the vinaigrette say to the refrigerator? Close the door! I'm dressing!"

"Why is the love of a woman with 20 children magical? Because it feels like a wizard's sleave."

"Why do people wash their clothes in Tide? Because it's too cold out-tide."

"What's pretty and expensive but has no use? Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar shelf."

"Do you think Bradley Cooper will call his kids Mini Coopers cause I hope so."