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Joke of the Day

"Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City"

"A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink."

"Whenever someone says, ""I had the weirdest dream last night!"" I interrupt, ""I had dreams once..."" and stare at a wall until they leave."

"What do you call something with no body and a nose? Nobody knows!"

"[blind date] ""I'm like, really good at *looks on hand* making the sex"" -did you just read that off your hand? ""Hey! You're not blind!"""

"Guess who just got laid! Not me. Probably someone, but not me."

"Where do you put a black jew? the back of the oven!!!!"

"Padme: Dating is scaring. I just want to find a nice guy who's not going to murder me. Anakin: You've chosen wisely."

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She replied, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow!"" Then her friend said, ""She means 6663629."""

"MBA: A course that teaches you, how the world is financially screwing you over while financial screwing you over"