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Joke of the Day

"ME: will it hurt? DR: u ever been stung by like, 500 bees? ME: omg no! DR: ok. that's not what it's gonna feel like. I was just wondering"

"I just found out the mods' password! [removed]"

"Cops: Jay X? Me: Yes. Cops: Your dog has been reported to have chased someone on a bike. Me: Thats bullshit my dog doesnt have a bike."

"Why was the binary number so happy? Because of two's compliment!"

"What do you call a snobish criminal walking down the stairs? A condescending con descending."

"Ways to get me naked: 1. Be hot 2. Be funny 3. Be alcohol 4. Pretend to be my gynecologist"

"What do vegan zombies eat? Graaaaains!"

"Putting on a clean pair of underwear everyday is a great way to have seven pair on by the end of the week."

"Q: What does a computer eat when it's hungry? A: Chips -- one byte at a time."

"To the person who stole my Microsoft Office. I will take it back. You have my Word."