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Joke of the Day
"What's the dieeference between /r/Showerthoughts and /r/jokes?"
Next Joke
"Just another lawyer joke Lawyer: ""Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"" Witness: ""By death."" Lawyer: ""And by whose death was it terminated?"""
"(Age 22) *chugs bottle of water* Let's shoot some more hoops! (Age 42) *chugs bottle of water* I gotta pee."
"What do Spiderman and I have in common? We're both in love with Mary Jane"
"Hand me the Phillips screwdriver, babe. No, the Phillips. NO. Ok look, hand me the thing you stabbed me with on New Year's. Thanks pumpkin!"
"What kind of bees produce milk? Boobies!"
"How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box."
"What do a Jewish mother-in-law and 60 Minutes have in common? They both always start with tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk..."
"I lost a roomba in my apartment. Don't ask me to babysit."
"Roses are expensive... Violets are gay... Poems are for pussies... Have a nice day..."