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Joke of the Day

"How to open new toy: 1. Cut tape with machete. 2. Take shot. 3. Undo 23,518 twist ties. 4. Take 3 shots. 5. Watch child play with box."

"Whats the difference between a retard and a woman? The retard doesn't need to be buggered to think he's special."

"Turkeys Recalled. Did you see the news story about the turkey recall? Check your freezers, because Butterball is recalling all of their turkeys because they forgot to butter the balls."

"My family crest is just a photo of someone letting it go to voicemail."

"My doctor asked if I drink to excess. I told him I'll drink to anything."

"How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar? Both enjoy cracking open a cold one."

"My dog kept chasing people on a bike.. It got so bad, finally I had to take it away from him.."

"A little bit of racism Scientists have found that your fingerprints may indicate that you are black or white. For example, if your fingerprints were found at the crime scene, you're probably black."

"What does George RR Martin call his erectile dysfunction? Writer's cock"

"What is long and hard that a Australian bride gets in her wedding night? Dick"