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Joke of the Day

"Just another lawyer joke Lawyer: ""Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"" Witness: ""By death."" Lawyer: ""And by whose death was it terminated?"""

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"Doctor told me I have cirrhosis of liver How am I going to cure my alcohol addiction now!"
"Welcome to Lion Tamer School. Everyone grab a chair. Good... good. You're all halfway to becoming Lion Tamers now."
"My 5yr old eats chicken wings with the precision of a hitman cleaning his rifle."
"Q: Why did Thoreau build a house? A: Because he wanted to be walled-in."
"Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you."
"""Hellooooo? I'm tweeting here, pay some attention to me"" - everyone on twitter ever."
"I remember the exact moment growing up when I came to know that a babysitter was not someone who sat on babies."
"What's the longest you've stayed in bed? I usually sleep ON the bed. #DadJoke"
"What's Hitler's favorite video game? Mein Kraft."