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Joke of the Day

"The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I'm a huge python, btw."

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"Obama calls Putin and asks abut his Thanksgiving. Putin: Turkey is about to be cooked."
"[highspeed chase] ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren* [several nearby ships are lured to their doom]"
"Knock Knock Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked, that's why I'm knocking!"
"What lottery did the broom win? The sweepstakes."
"*peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*"
"Meet the female version of Thor Whor"
"Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?"
"You know what a vegetarian will never get? A Spam."