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Joke of the Day
"Why would I want to quit smoking? Oh, to live longer. Why would I want to live longer?"
Next Joke
"Nice guys finish last, cause stamina."
"Why did God give man a penis? So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up."
"The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you."
"One of the simplest ways to stay happy is to let go of the things that make you sad."
"What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality."
"You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley."
"How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb? One. He just puts it in the socket and lets the world turn around him."
"[painting a picture of the last supper] ""Who's that?"" ""Darth Vader."" ""Was he 1 of Jesus disciples?"" ""I dunno, I've only seen the 1st movie."""
"If you dropped two noodles on the floor, they would probably resemble my name more than my signature does..."