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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I went down on your moms sister at your BBQ... I guess you could say I'm... [lowers shades] An aunt-eater."

"The only B word you should ever call a woman is beautiful Bitches love being called beautiful"

"Mental illness isn't a disease... ... It's all in the mind."

"What do you call a pig that was murdered? A ham-i-cide"

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I shoulda cooked it at aloha temperature."

"Ever turn the radio right to your favorite song as it's beginning? It almost makes up for the fact that everyone you love will die sometime."

"Remember back in the day, when you used to blow bubbles? Well, bubbles is back in town and he's looking for your number."

"Thursday is like your high school boyfriend. It feels good but you know something better is right around the corner."

"I got gas for $1.08 today... ...too bad it was from Taco Bell."

"I have an eidolon memory. It's the same as an eidetic memory, but I'm also dyslexic."