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Joke of the Day

"Hi, my name is Kate. I am 12 and I am still a virgin... does that mean my dad is gay?"

"I hate when I show up to a funeral and another guy is wearing the same hot dog costume."

"The Ikea corporation was found not guilty yesterday for assassinating a rival companies CEO. While there were several damning pieces of evidence, the detectives couldn't seem to put the case together."

"TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing."

"I walked into my sister's room and tripped on a bra. It was a booby-trap."

"""Sir can I ask you why you're smoking TWO huge cops?"" Blunt, i'm *turns to camera* Doing this tweet wrong *Blunt just stares in confusion*"

"I want to die like my grandfather, softly in my sleep... ...not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"It is nearly impossible to find an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. They are all optical Aleutians."

"For Sale: Complete Set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 Volumes Excellent condition. $ 1000 ONO. No longer needed. Got married last week. Wife knows fucking everything."

"It would be rather appropriate to die during sex. We come *into* this world naked and screaming..."