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Joke of the Day

"Been reading about instinctive behaviors. Apparently, my natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman is a Fixed Action Pattern (in short, FAP)."

"I thought about going into investment banking Then I lost interest."

"Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. Kinda like crying, screaming, or dying."

"Bill Clinton must be the luckiest man in the world. All of the sex he has, with Hillary, you know it's hate sex."

"Don't be that guy that tells people not to be ""that guy."""

"I heard Cobras dance to music. I played some Justin Bieber for my pet Cobra and he bit himself and died."

"My mate says I don't understand irony... Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop at the time."

"So these two blondes walk into a building.. You would have thought one of them would have seen it."

"The unemployment rate rose to 9.8% and Twitter is expected to see about a 10% hike to hit 200 million users by New Year's. Coincidence? No."

"""Your honor-"" No objections. how do you plead to cheating at heads up seven up? ""guilty"" no juice boxes for a week..piece of shit *mom sobs*"