190803

Joke of the Day

"It's been a while since I partied... Yeah, I can't even remember the last time I blacked out."

"You can call me a narcissist... Just make sure you say my name."

"Apparently the average person has sex 365 times a year Pray for me. I may not survive the next 12 hours."

"Ways to get me naked: 1. Be hot 2. Be funny 3. Be alcohol 4. Pretend to be my gynecologist"

"Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat? the wheelchair"

"Two computers are on a date. One says to the other, ""i'm not your type."""

"My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards."

"Black Santa reached into his bag of presents... He may have been reaching for a weapon. An officer involved shooting occurred."

"A friend bet me I couldn't piss in a Dyson Airblade Boy, did that blow up in my face."

"why did the plant cross the road? it can't, its a plant. DUH"