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Joke of the Day
"Heard Santa and his wife separated, which would make them independent Clauses."
Next Joke
"If I had a time machine I'd go back and give myself a bunch of incorrect lotto numbers, and teach myself the value of hard work."
"5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would ""have a piece of cheese and calm down"" So, yeah, she's mine."
"My boyfriend told me my stutter is cute I told him to f-f-f-fuck off"
"What idiot called it a tree trimmer instead of a branch manager?"
"If I ever need an amber lamps really quickly... I'm going to call a tow truck instead."
"What are prostitutes paid? Loads"
"What do you call a bus on its way to Comic Con? Virgin Mobile"
"I posed naked for a magazine today Although from the reaction I got, I think the newsstand owner would have preferred money"
"How many /r/The_Donald moderators does it take to change a lightbulb You have been banned from /r/The_Donald for this submission..."