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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an old-school CIA agent who believes his work is none of the public's goddamn business? A Pte-redact-yl"

"I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha. Sorry, you guys."

"Strong people don't put others down.. They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum damage."

"MARRIAGE PROPOSAL TIP: Get down on 1 knee. Ok, now the other. Great! Lie flat on your face. Quickly roll away don't get married you idiot."

"Me and my wife are into S&M. She sleeps and I masturbate."

"Why did the chemist never say ""NO"" to anything? Because the reaction could be explosive."

"What do you call Indian flowers? Patels [source](http://i.imgur.com/LXADoFR.jpg)"

"Did you hear about the guy who died while digging a hole for a coffin? It was a grave excavation."

"Dear Microsoft, If you had called it ""Bang"" instead of ""Bing,"" you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night."

"I've been sitting here trying to think of a French joke, and I almost have one that works. Unfrotunately, it went on strike."