125155

Joke of the Day

"I've been sitting here trying to think of a French joke, and I almost have one that works. Unfrotunately, it went on strike."

"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."

"Patient: Doctor what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell!"

"[at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait."

"If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her."

"What does a new Tesla car smells like? Elon Musk"

"There was a mathematician who couldn't afford lunch. He could binomial."

"What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to his wife when she cheated on him? ""May divorce be with you."""

"My wife and I decided to not have children. The kids are pretty upset."