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Joke of the Day

"The snow in the front yard is melting and so far I've found 3 unopened beers. *Adds party planner to resume*"

"I knocked over the altar at a Buddhist temple the other day and spilled ash all over the monks They were incensed"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo? I've never had a garbanzo on my face."

"I'm abandoning Obamacare for Bidencare. Everyone gets a sixer of Natty Light, 2 copies of Hustler from 1978 and a VHS copy of Caddyshack."

"what do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline"

"Ritalin and Adderall Market Research says they both tested well among focus groups."

"Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples. He rises and addresses them: ""I'm the son of God."" ""No way!"" they say. ""Yahweh."""

"Chuck Norris is so bad he makes viruses sick. As such, Chuck Norris is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox."

"Is your refrigerator running?... Cause it would probably be a better president #fridge2k16"

"Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*"