192538

Joke of the Day

"Her: For once I'd like a man to just sweep me off my feet. Me: *slowly ties Karate Kid headband around forehead*"

"""Omelet you finish,"" -Kanyegg West"

"What do you find in between the tits of an old woman that you won't find in between those of a young woman? A belly button."

"What do girls and parking spaces have in common? All the good ones are taken and the rest are disabled"

"I'm going to wear a Seahawks jersey to my next exam so I know that i'll pass."

"Some inmates claimed Blackbeard was best... but I don't believe in cons' piracy theories."

"my car is dead & i saw a dead spider under the hood so like, do i need a new spider? i dont know a lot about how cars work"

"At first Lincoln didn't want to be president... ... but he gave it a shot."

"I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator. We speak to eachother on so many different levels."

"The tornado warning siren has just stopped going off That's either good or terrible"