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Joke of the Day

"Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples. He rises and addresses them: ""I'm the son of God."" ""No way!"" they say. ""Yahweh."""

"If ever you're feeling down, and I can't be there to do it in person, just imagine me awkwardly patting your shoulder & looking at my watch."

"In case you haven't checked Facebook, It's hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!"

"Language is cool because it's just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos."

"My butcher's assistant is a little person. I tried to bet him he couldn't sell me one of his top-shelf filets. ""No bet,"" he said. ""The steaks are too high."""

"Dad owl: I'm dying so I need you to look after things. I'm going to give you- Son owl: Don't say it Dad: Power of a tawny Son: [turns head]"

"I recently threw my dog into the Thames and he didn't sink He always was a good buoy."

"I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable."

"What is moist, smells great, and is for dinner tonight? My poop"

"Why did the bible cross the street? To get to the other genocide."