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Joke of the Day

"Diplomacy is saying ""nice doggy"" until you find a big rock."

"The trick to free lunches is to tell your friend ""you get this one, I'll get the next 1"" and then never see them again and make new friends."

"What did Peyton Manning do yesterday? ...played footbal but lost and made ppl sad as fuck. joke's on the ppl cus their sad as fuck and i dont care"

"On the bright side, I'm relieved we live in a society where we acknowledge that the people who make sandwiches are artists."

"Checking if my webcam is on when I do really shady shit is my grown up version of checking under my bed for monsters."

"Why is [friend's name] always on the bottom? Because they won't stop fucking up"

"What do you call a circus full of mean people? A jerkus."

"Did you know Ice-T has a half-brother? His name is Arnold Palmer."

"It's been a big year for my ten-year-old. Two months ago, he attended his first confession.... .... It took the cops four hours to break him. He's got some willpower, that kid!"

"I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. But i realised a sit-down comedian was more comfortable."