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Joke of the Day

"The best thing about sex with your sister... ...is that if she gets pregnant, you can just blame your dad."

"How many ""friend-zoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just compliment it and get pissed when it wont screw."

"What do you call someone who's both a Seahawks fan and a LOTR fan? A twelf"

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $3.99 and deer nuts are under a buck."

"Whats the difference between a man and a government bond? The bond matures."

"If you know the thread count on your bed sheets we're in different tax brackets."

"Vegetarians eat vegetables... What do veterinarians eat? (you thought I was gonna ask about humanitarians, didn't you?)"

"Boy-Girl Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *walks away*"

"Him: Get on my level. Me: You're a gamer? Him: .... Me: .... Him: You need to get out more. Me: *mumbles* Your face needs to get out more."

"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar"