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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $3.99 and deer nuts are under a buck."

"What do wearing Crocs and receiving a blowjob have in common? It feels great at first, and then you look down and realize you're gay."

"The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting ""Stay off the grass."""

"(whispering): Siri, whose bed am I in?"

"For someone with a penis, wearing skinny jeans is a lot like living in a cheap mansion... There's no ballroom."

"Apparently my twitter session today has lasted 12 hours. I don't even miss my life anymore"

"A teenager was stabbed to death in a shopping mall over a stolen pair of trainers. Those security guards don't fuck about."

"What do call a Nazi that takes bribes? Paid-off Hitler!"

"Do you like jokes that make you think a little? If you had an one-legged horse, what would you name it? Flattery."

"""I literally died."" - white girls in heaven."