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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I'm off to find a bar with a mirror."

"How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning."

"I'd be the worst 911 Operator. ""Uh ma'am I think you mean he was lying in a puddle of his own blood, not laying."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Claude ! Claude who ? Claudework Orange !"

"Yesterday I held a door open for a clown... I thought it was a nice jester."

"So I was talking to the devil, and I asked him about his job... He told me ""It's soul crushing and I love it."""

"I used to pretend that broccoli florets were treetops and I was a giant eating up the forest while my Dad pretended he had a manly son."

"I went to the store to buy 50ft of rope. The guy at the store said ""This spool of rope is on clearance for only $2. It's 500ft long."" ""Nah man"" I said ""I hate long good buys."""

"What do you get when you cross Lee Iacocca and a vampire? AUTOEXEC.BAT (Not my joke, but I tell it every time a buzz needs killed.)"

"I'm starting an Atheist corporation... it's a non-prophet organization."