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Joke of the Day

"I'd be the worst 911 Operator. ""Uh ma'am I think you mean he was lying in a puddle of his own blood, not laying."""

"""Maybe again but kind of bad?"" - sequels"

"Quickly after robbing my bakery, a man got a severe headache Serves him right. It's not his grain, it's migraine"

"Sea lions are faster than humans on both land and sea, so if you face one in a triathlon, you really need to make up time on the cycling."

"Do your socks have holes in them? No? Well then how did you get your feet in them?"

"What's E.T. short for? Because he only has little legs."

"I caught my wife in bed with another man, I was crushed... So I said, ""Get off me you two!"""

"It's all fun and games until you notice the ""rocket"" in your son's Lego launchpad came from the drawer in your nightstand."

"Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook."

"A man pushed his wife off a building... I guess you could say they FELL APART!"