182424

Joke of the Day

"I went to the store to buy 50ft of rope. The guy at the store said ""This spool of rope is on clearance for only $2. It's 500ft long."" ""Nah man"" I said ""I hate long good buys."""

"Just remember ...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off."

"My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex more while on holiday. I tell you that was an awkward postcard to receive"

"Why do men finish first during sex? Because Adam came before Eve!"

"Why do people still buy bottle openers? I just don't see the reason for purchasing a bottle opener. I've been using my seat belt for years!"

"Autocorrect is horrible... I'm so tired of this shirt"

"A homeless lady agreed to let me take her home I don't understand why she got pissed when I loaded the cardboard box in my pickup truck."

"If you're ever lost in the woods, try to find a bear to kill. Their claws will provide four sweet breakfast pastries."

"Tilda Swinton is what happens when a lamp from IKEA becomes self aware."

"Do dolphins have tattoos of single mothers on their arses?"