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Joke of the Day

"Tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist."

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"you'll know you're a grown-up when you keep fifteen unnecessary pillows on your bed"
"Why are there no cats on mars? Curiosity"
"Where do you drown a hipster? The Mainstream."
"How did Matthew McConaughey masturbate after breaking his left arm? All right all right all right."
"A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket... Suddenly she realises that some asshole has her pen."
"Suicide gone wrong [CORNY] -Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers. -Seriously? And what happened? -After the first two, I felt much better."
"Did you know that diarrhea is genetic? It runs in your jeans!"
"A Joke I Thought Up in Stats Why didn't the scientist tell his colleague the t-value of a test with 21 degrees of freedom and a p-value of 5%? It was a t-crit! Thank you and goodnight!"
"How many tweekers does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on which method you try...."