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Joke of the Day

"I bought my Dad a cheap dictionary for Christmas. He couldn't find the right words to thank me."

"What do you call a gay farmer? A jolly rancher!"

"I want to ask you out, but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And.."

"I like my women how I like my whiskey... 12 years old and mixed up with coke."

"A man lovingly told his fiance ""I don't have a big house or a yacht like my friend, Harry, but I will love you forever."" She replied, ""Oh, yeah. I love you too. Now, who's this Harry?!"""

"Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween."

"*too embarrassed to buy condoms**buys 3D printer**makes gun**robs condom factory*"

"Home Depot is having their ""ultimate tool event"" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler."

"What do you call a fish with three eyes? fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)"

"My keys always end up in the pocket opposite of my free hand."