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Joke of the Day
"Home Depot is having their ""ultimate tool event"" in case anyone wants to buy my cousin Tyler."
Next Joke
"""1. Roll around in bed for a few hours. 2. Get kind of dressed. 3. DON'T EAT!"" - to do list for American Apparel models"
"This termite walks into a bar... And says ""Where's the bar tender?"
"Hey guy's I'm the titanic I would like to nominate all of my passengers and crew to do the ALS ice bucket challenge, you have 24 hours!"
"Rabbi So today I was wondering, when a rabbi performs a circumsision, does he get paid or does he just keep the tips?"
"Brain problem On the left side, there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left."
"My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you'll need a shovel and map to find him."
"Aliens watching our media must assume we are being implored to show allegiance to our ruler, a mysterious entity named ""Geico."""
"A guy walks in on his daughter masturbating with a pickle ""Sick!"" he says. ""I was going to eat that. Now it's going to taste like pickle."""
"BABY: WAAAAAAA- ME: Shhhh, it's okay. BABY: -AAAAAAAA- ME: shhhh.... BABY: -AAAAAALUIGI! ME: wtf BABY: (whispering) No one will believe you."