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Joke of the Day

"Werner Heisenberg is driving down the road. A cop pulls him over and asks ""Do you know how fast you were going?"" Heisenberg replies ""No, but I know where I am."""

"HR: How do you think we can better handle this in the future? ME [glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut]: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl"

"I didn't know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support meeting... So I just came in my pants."

"I told the wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"The thing about suicides Q: What's worse than suicide? A: the life before it."

"What was the General's answer... to the President's inquiry, as to what military division has been most under appreciated during his term? ""Tanks, Obama."""

"What's the last thing a Tickle-Me Elmo gets before leaving the factory? Two test-tickles!"

"I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."

"McDonald's is coming out with a Michael Jackson burger... ...it's a 40 year-old piece of meat sandwiched in between two eight year-old buns."

"My friend recently bought a home near me at a local skimming pond It's only a stones throw away."