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Joke of the Day

"Password insecurity questions: 1. What was your highschool nickname? 2. How would you describe your breath? 3. What's wrong with your toes?"

"My cat thinks any questions I ask him are rhetorical."

"What do you call a black Asian bird? Croatian."

"1st man: ""My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"" 2nd man: ""Did they wake you?"" 1st man: ""Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."""

"Do you know why the Circus industry might go bankrupt? If Donald Trump gets elected, the entire world will just need to listen to the news for a free circus."

"Fact of the Day: Lyrics can be used in a court of law as evidence. That's how Billy Joel was acquitted of arson charges."

"When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul."

"What's up? Some movie about an old guy and balloons."

"Speed-dating, but it's just me going from table to table stealing fries from unsuspecting couples gazing longingly into each other's eyes"

"[having sex] Her: HARDER! ME: Divide 110 into two parts so that one will be 150% of the other. What are the 2 numbers? Her: 44&66 HARDER!"