28567

Joke of the Day

"When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul."

"""Oh my god I can't believe someone would pronounce my name exactly how it's spelled!!!"" - people with stupid names"

"I have a chest cold, or, as they used to call it in the 17th Century, four days to live."

"Brain: Walk up to her and offer her a drink. Me: I WANT TO DRINK YOU LIKE A SIPPY CUP. Brain: Can you actually hear me?"

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."

"""Egocentric"" is an anagram of ""Geocentric"" I guess the world really does revolve around me..."

"He asked what my favorite position was... I said CEO"

"What did the gangster's son tells his dad when he failed his examination? ""Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I told them nothing!!!"""

"What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, ""When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?"" ###SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!"

"Daily routines So one day a man goes into the doctors office and says. Doctor! doctor! My penis has turned orange So the doctor says Well what is your daily routine I eat cheetos than jack off"