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Joke of the Day
"What did daddy fish do when mommy fish got herself lost? ...He flounder"
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"I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively."
"My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing."
"Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider."
"*pushes vending machine over NO YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!"
"Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone"
"What did the flatulent man say to the preacher during confession? Forgive me Father, for i have wind."
"""I don't like the taste of water"" - First World Problem"
"I'm making a device where if you push an already lit elevator button, you get Hepititis C"
"[Pun] There's something about the sky... There was a man in an airplane and he had just over dosed on alcohol, one could say he really was HIGH -<>~<>- ^those are what I call 'pun glasses'"