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Joke of the Day

"Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??"

"What's at the centre of No Man's Sky universe? A refund. credit to /u/xROSSTHEHOSSx (saw it on another post as comment, thought it deserved own post)"

"Sex is like a key and a lock. If a lock can be opened by any key, it's useless. If a key can open any lock, that is a good fucking key."

"Why did everyone hate the window? He was a pane in the glass! Credit: 12 year old me"

"Did you hear about the sequel to ""The Thing""? Turns out one of Jackie Chan's Relatives is directing it. His Uncle, I believe. &nbsp; He's calling it ""ONE *MORE* THING!"""

"A strange sense of humor. Surprisingly, but the long walks on the moor very breathtakingly."

"What do you call a dog that doesn't eat meat? A vegiterrier!"

"What's a foot long and slippery? A Slipper. :D"

"What is a runner's favourite subject in school? Jog-raphy!"

"Did you hear what the Feds found at Jared Fogle's home? A five year old footlong."