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Joke of the Day

"Sex is like a key and a lock. If a lock can be opened by any key, it's useless. If a key can open any lock, that is a good fucking key."

"Arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics. It doesn't matter if you win you're still retarded."

"If you look like your passport photo You probably aren't well enough to travel."

"Whenever I hear a Mexican talking excitedly, I always imagine him explaining food, soccer or that someone is stuck in a barbed wire fence."

"Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine's Day. When they answer ""dinner"", you should say ""no...after that""."

"Please pray for my friends' 4 yr old. I just found out that ten minutes of his life wasn't photographed or documented on Facebook today."

"Lucky that guy in Good Will Hunting liked apples."

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven."

"Where do angry mailmen work? At the pissed office."

"All conspiracy theories are false. They're cooked up by the government to distract people from what they're doing."