27387

Joke of the Day

"Sex is like a key and a lock. If a lock can be opened by any key, it's useless. If a key can open any lock, that is a good fucking key."

"Guys remember: if you encounter a girl in her natural habitat, don't panic. She's just as scared as you. Make loud noises, she will run off."

"A blind man walks into a bar.. And a table. And a chair."

"I wanted to gift my brother a drum set... ...but I decided to keep it for myself. **badum tss**"

"8: hey dad can you make me a sandwich? me: poof! you're a sandwich 8: .... me: no"

"RIP Daenerys Targaryen we will miss you. #SPOILERALERT Just kidding. I haven't seen the latest episode yet."

"My girlfriend broke up with me after I said she's half the person I am... I weigh 240 pounds, not sure why she got so mad."

"What do Waitresses and Chemists have in common? They both need to check the table periodically..."

"A baby crawls into a bar... He asks the bartender for a milk. The bartender says, ""I guess you want that in a bottle?"". The baby replies, ""What do you have on tit?"""

"I've got a runny nose. edit: thanks for the cold!"