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Joke of the Day
"I like my coffee like I like my women Basically, I'm now banned from Starbucks."
Next Joke
"Q: Two musicians are walking down the street and one says to the other ""Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"" A: The other replies ""That was no piccolo that was my fife."""
"""For sale: Brown skinned Cabbage Patch doll..."" It's only Harv Price"
"A study found that Buzzfeed is the least trusted news source in media. Serves them right for telling me I belong in Hufflepuff."
"Explaining puns to kleptomaniacs is hard because they often take things, literally."
"30 seconds staring confused at the calculator app before realizing why my phone wasn't calling the number I dialed."
"Why did the flume ride need repairs? Because it got waterlogged."
"WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those."
"(Ok don't let her know ur Jesus) Girl: Meet my dad *they shake hands* *Dad stands up from wheelchair* Dad: It's a miracle! Jesus: *facepalm*"
"Costume idea: Dress up like milkshake, wait in the yard."