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Joke of the Day

"The other day my friend was telling me I didn't know what irony meant... Which is ironic because we were standing at a bus stop."

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.'"

"Whenever someone says ""I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart"", all I hear is ""I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart""."

"I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister... It was wrong on so many levels."

"How do lesbian carpenters work? No studs. All tongue in groove."

"HALF LIFE 3 CONFIRMED!"

"Rent boat. Go out to sea. Find sperm whale. Tell him he's called sperm whale. Console sperm whale. Have fun with new whale best friend."

"What vegetables do plumbers hate the most? Leeks"

"If you play the ""Strawberry Fields Forever"" record backwards, you can quietly hear your roommate saying, ""Get a job, Megan."""

"Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to....unless you're in prison."